Sassy, Strong, and Seen: Let Your Confidence Do The Talking

The following blog post is written by  Bhavika Jagwani / bhavikajagwani.com

The moment I stepped into Depop HQ, I was hit with a wave of red. No, not just their branding—the confidence in the room was on fire. 🔥

She Bytes Back has returned, bigger and better than ever, teaming up with Depop and Signify Technology’s Women in the City for a night that was nothing short of electric. The air was buzzing with laughter, real talk, and raw wisdom as women from all walks of life shared unfiltered stories about overcoming obstacles and finding success, sometimes in the most unexpected ways.

From memes that had us all in stitches to lessons that made us nod in unison, it felt like I was sitting in the front row (you bet I grabbed that seat 🪑) of a live masterclass on life, work, and confidence.

Keep reading for ALL the spicy takeaways I walked away with—and trust me, these aren’t just feel-good quotes. These are practical, no-BS gems to help you level up in every corner of your life. 🌶️

Amber Shand: Because Owning Your Worth Is a Whole Mood

If there’s one thing Amber Shand, Founder of She Bytes Back, can do like no other, it’s hype you up while dropping truth bombs that sting a little—okay, maybe a lot—but leave you thinking, damn, she’s right.

Her keynote on the 3-step method for owning your worth? Pure brilliance.

1. Know Your Sauce: The seasoning, the spice, and everything nice

We all want to be 🎀that girl 🎀—you know, the one who seems to have it all together and breezes through life like it’s no big deal. But let’s be honest, in chasing this ideal, we forget just how much we bring to the table.

Amber’s first step is all about embracing your “sauce.” It’s not just your resume or accomplishments, it’s the unique blend of quirks, skills, experiences and all the goodness that make you, you. Forget trying to master it all; the world doesn’t need perfection, it needs authenticity. As Amber put it: “You’re the only one who can bring what you bring.”

And she’s so right. Imagine how boring life would be if everyone was good at everything. Your creative flair, your unpolished moments, and even your flaws are where the magic happens.

Takeaway: Embrace your unique flavour. You don’t need to do it all—you just need to do you.

2. Confront Your Inner Critic: Be your loudest cheerleader

You know that voice in your head? The one that nitpicks every move you make and convinces you you’re “not enough”? Yeah, it’s time to put it in its place.

Amber reminded us to challenge that inner critic but with a little kindness—and a lot of facts. Instead of asking, “Why can’t I do this?” try flipping the script: “How can I do this?” Shifting from self-criticism to curiosity creates space for growth and silences that nagging voice.

She also introduced the concept of a “wins tracker.” It’s a simple yet genius way to document your successes, big or small. When imposter syndrome tries to creep in, you’ve got the receipts to remind yourself just how amazing you are. And let’s face it: you can’t deny facts that say just how amazing you are, can you? 😏✨

Takeaway: Challenge the critic, track your wins, and keep receipts to prove (to yourself) how far you’ve come.

3. Take Action and Lean Into Community: You don’t have to go it alone

Amber’s final step? Action + community = confidence 💅

She made it clear: finding your people is essential. When you’re surrounded by those who cheer for your wins, pick you up after losses, and remind you of your magic, you can’t help but show up as your best self. 

She also introduced the Japanese concept of Ikigai—your “reason for being.” This is where your passion, talent, and purpose intersect. And guess what? You don’t need to find your Ikigai alone. Community is where you’ll discover the courage to pursue your purpose and the support to keep going when things get tough.

Takeaway: Take action, find your ikigai and lean into your community.

Amber’s Mic-Drop Moment 

"Things don't have to happen in YOUR time; they will just happen in time. So lean into community and keep showing up"

Amber left us with a final gem: worthiness isn’t earned—it’s inherent. So often, we put off feeling “enough” until we hit some arbitrary milestone—but you don’t have to wait. Your worth doesn’t need a deadline. You’ve already arrived.

Now, let’s talk about the panel.

The energy in the room took an expansive turn as a powerhouse panel of women took the stage, each ready to dig deep, share their unconventional journeys, and offer perspectives that made us rethink everything from career growth to personal fulfilment.

These women didn’t just speak—they commanded the room. Each one brought their unapologetic flair, offering insights that made us rethink the way we approach life and work. Here’s the spill on the golden nuggets they dropped:

Adama Lorna: Personal Branding That (Actually) Works

Personal branding often gets a bad rap, but Adama Lorna, a social media sensation with over 100,000 followers across TikTok & YouTube and millions of views, reframed it in a way that felt doable—even for those of us who cringe at the thought of talking about ourselves. 🫠

“It’ll feel cringe at first, but that’s what will get you seen.”

The key? Start with what you genuinely love. Speak about your passions, and your authenticity will shine through, attracting the right people.

Takeaways:

1. Talk about what excites you. Your energy is contagious. Share it, and watch your network grow.

2. Engage consistently. Whether it’s LinkedIn posts or casual conversations, showing up regularly makes all the difference. 

3. Lean into the cringe. The discomfort is temporary, but the connections you build will last.

Stephanie Shaw: The Mentorship-Sponsorship Equation

Stephanie Shaw, finalist in the Social Good category at the BTA Awards 2024 and a supporter of the neurodivergent community, delivered a reality check 💯 on a concept we don’t talk about enough: sponsorship. While mentorship offers guidance, sponsorship takes it further—it’s about opening doors and creating opportunities.

“Mentors give advice. Sponsors get you in the room.”

If you’ve been relying only on mentorship, it’s time to diversify. Find people who will advocate for you in spaces where decisions are made. That starts with speaking up.

Takeaway: Be clear about what you want. People can’t sponsor you if they don’t know your goals.

Susan Barrance: Motherhood and Grace Under Pressure

Susan Barrance, Associate Director and part of the Women in the City community brought the house down with her take on balancing motherhood and ambition.

“Motherhood doesn’t give you the option to say no—you just figure it out.”

Her advice wasn’t just for parents; it was a universal reminder to embrace change with grace and let go of the expectation to have everything figured out. Her anecdotes, like one about "trying hard" at the gym—where pushing too hard leads to injury, versus showing up and doing your best despite expectations—not only resonated but reminded us all to keep going, even when things don’t go perfectly. 💪

Takeaway: Progress over perfection, every time.

Phillipa Rodney: Failing Fast and Leading with Heart

Phillipa Rodney, a multi-award-winning Software Engineering Leader and Co-founder of The Ascend Foundation reminded us all that leadership is about humanity, not perfection.

“Fail fast, but learn faster.”

Her philosophy of being grounded in authenticity and vulnerability is what makes her a true leader. By creating safe spaces for others to grow, she empowers her team and leads by example. 🌱

Takeaways:

• Embrace your mistakes. They’re not failures; they’re lessons.

• Create trust by being genuine and transparent.

• Use coaching as a tool for empowerment.

Negotiation 101: Silence is Golden

One of the evening’s final lessons was all about self-advocacy, particularly in negotiations. Write down these golden rules ✍️

1. Come prepared with your wins. Evidence builds confidence.

2. State your case, then stop talking. Silence is powerful—it forces the other person to process and respond.

3. Be willing to walk away. Knowing your worth means being OK with leaving the table when the terms don’t align.

Author’s Takeaway

The night was full of wisdom, but what really stuck with me was the undeniable power of community. The laughter, the honesty, and the shared purpose reminded me that we're not just stronger together—we're unstoppable. 

So, how can you start showing up as your best self? Let’s do this:

1️⃣ Track your wins. Every achievement counts—big or small. Celebrate them. 🎉

2️⃣ Lean into community. Find the spaces that make you feel seen and supported. You don’t have to do this alone. We at She Bytes Back are a friendly bunch, I promise. 😉

3️⃣ Own your narrative. Whether it’s your brand, your goals, or your story—take control. You got this, girl. ❤️

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Imposter syndrome and building confidence: She Bytes Back x BrainStation event

The following blog post is written by Rhea Sam

Back with a bang on empowering oneself with confidence and tackling imposter syndrome. She Bytes Back was back for a third event with Brainstation. The air was buzzing the minute I entered with warm smiles, conversations to catch up or meet a new face, and lots of pizza. What could be better than that? 

A new format was handed to us in the form of She Bytes Back network bingo as we entered through the doors! You read that right, it was a way to ensure you met new faces and fostered new connections to your network. There were friendly faces around , some old friends greeting each other before and after the event , catching up on the missed times and checking in to ensure everything is well.  Sometimes meeting a new old face who you may have collaborated with online but never met in person but you do now and it’s all laughs. 

Coming to the actual event with Brainstation , this event’s theme was around building your confidence and tackling imposter syndrome. As we all know imposter syndrome is such a killer. 

To kick off the introductions, we had the super woman herself, the brains and beauty Amber Shand, community leader of She Bytes Back starting us off with some statistics and some humour to get the crowd warmed up. This community was grown to build a safe space for women to grow in, foster meaningful connections and was all about leaning on community to take that next step in the chapter whatever that may look like for the individual. 

Did you know that 50% of women leave by the age of 35? That’s a scary and disheartening statistic to know. There are multiple reasons for this but two that was focused around the theme of this event.

Following this was a quick introduction from the lovely hosts of the event Brainstation introduced by Emma. Brainstation is a digital learning company that are in locations across London, Toronto, Vancouver, New York and Miami. A leader in the training space, empowered 10000+ people on their journey.  The key offerings are in upskilling professionals through bootcamps and courses. 

Before I dive into the individual speakers, it needs to be highlighted how phenomenal all three speakers were. Each bringing their own piece of experience into the topics spoken on. 

Have you ever felt so anxious before delivering a speech/presentation? So much that you’d like to call in sick, or refund their money? If so, well then you have something in common with our first speaker Jaz Marfo. That same experience is when she realised something was wrong when after years of knowing who she is and what she brought to the table, she had crippling fear and had faced first sign of imposter syndrome. 

Imposter syndrome and how to identify it was the main crux of her speech and what a delivery that was. She brought up how misalignment of expectations vs reality is when the imposter syndrome kicks in. Did you know the number one factor to identify with this is? Shame. Let that sink in. She graciously highlighted multiple times in her speech about shame and the association of not getting validation leading to feeling like an imposter. 

There are five personalities of imposter syndrome:  Perfectionist, Superhuman,  Natural Genius, Expert, and Soloist. 

Her message had a strong impact as most of her speech was relatable and reflective at most times. She emphasised on defeating the imposter feeling with gaining confidence, step by step, stay curious always learning, and don’t forget to give yourself the grace when imposter feeling starts to creep in. She kindly shared a framework with us called the ‘I am’ framework which you spend 60 seconds reflecting on who you are to build that confidence, if that’s too easy try spending 3 minutes writing every positive thing you associate with yourself.

I’ll leave with you my favourite quote by her - “Imposter Syndrome is an experience not a label” . 

The next speaker came in with her vulnerability as her armour. As a second-generation immigrant, the focus was on giving yourself the permission. Bhavika Jagwani brought on a very relatable analogy, one that a lot of immigrant women would understand in terms of familial responsibilities and giving everyone the permission to have you but not giving yourself the permission to dream , to explore and build your own confidence. 

She started off with a powerful hook – “ Before I was 7 years old I was a 30-year-old woman” 

She spoke about the downside of growing up to soon , being vulnerable with us about her having to be a guardian and giving herself the bare minimum while she poured everyone else’s cups to keep it full to the brim. Most people treated this as a sense of maturity but what did that really do to her?  Well, she grew up thinking external validation is the only way to live and in turn faced some level of abuse. Her speech amplified how there are behavioural patterns on wanting external validations and the need to support others. Her’s was always asking for permission before doing anything. 

The power of permission was her crux. She brought psychology to the table. Where does this permission step from? Let’s go way back to human evolution where we had shared characteristics with cats and dogs but we evolved and that resulted in 15-20% increase in anxiety related disorders due to the pressure all around. Pressure from society causes different coping mechanisms in individuals and that causes an environment mismatch in social groups. 

When we start following societal pressures we start removing the individuality of a person and cause a herd mentality to emerge. The fear of the unknown can be daunting , the fear of fitting in all falls back to giving yourself permission to think one’s individual needs. She kindly shares hers empowering advice through the POWE framework. Reflect on the why and trying and write down the exact emotions. Ask yourself how would you deal with this? 

Change is allowed so give yourself the permission to do so is my takeaway. 

Here’s my favourite quote from this speech: 

“We are not an end destination; we are a journey” 

The last speaker had all of us on the edge of our seats while she spoke about age being a number when it comes to confidence. It was all about retraining your brain on confidence. Grace Kisnorbo brought her spark through sharing her a favourite meme with us ‘ Im just a girl’. Her soft girl personality with sensitivity still honed into the confidence. How? She started with debunking a myth of learning something as you get older is harder. FALSE. There are ways to retrain and be sustainable about learning something new or building your confidence in a new piece throw two key bits, exposure therapy which focuses on trying new things slowly and repeating it till it feels familiar. The second key point on positive affirmations which feels highly relatable as someone who did that at university. Writing down affirmations and reading that out loud again and again helps to believe what you’re thinking and pushing out the negative aura. 

My favourite moment in the speech was the AHA moment we had after she introduced the behavioural framework. She shared a passage by Louise L. that spoke about planting a seed, watering it everyday till you see the first sprout , human nature would let it bloom but put that principle to your individual self then you would kill it before it blooms. Now let’s water it for ourselves with positive affirmations and when we see the first bloom, manifest its growth and watch it grow. I was so amazed with that connection and it had me thinking about it all the way home. The end was as cute as it could be with a cat note leaving everyone chattering and keeping the buzz alive. 

Ending this segment with my favourite quote from Grace – “Everything you think and everything you speak is constantly creating your future” 

Amber came back all smiles praising and having us join in the cheer to celebrate the three phenomenal speakers. So, we networked and clicked some cute pictures wearing our best confidence while doing so.

Like what you read? Having FOMO? Make sure to not miss out by subscribing to the newsletter, and keeping an eye out on our latest events and following She Bytes Back on socials. Hope to see you at the next one. 

Build your confidence, own your story: She Bytes Back x BrainStation event

From the buzz surrounding out first event, it was only right to keep up the momentum. This time round, we joined forces with BrainStation and curated the event dedicated to building confidence.

And the turnout was pretty solid, just look at everyone’s happy faces!

We had the fabulous Kirsty Hulse kicking it off with her talk “Showing Up: Developing the confidence to believe in yourself” - and just WOW. Not only was she an AMAZING speaker, but it was raw, real, practical, and inspiring. It was a solid reminder that being confident isn’t about being the loudest in the room, in fact, Kirsty said that confidence is simply you being a bit more you. It can be easy to lean into the worst outcome, hyper-fixate on our flaws, and feel down, but the best thing was that Kirsty reminded us that we have a negativity bias, which made us feel like we aren’t just broken. Her tips to make tracking your wins a habit, shying away from toxic positivity, and embracing our true selves was a massive confidence boost.

Then we followed up with Melicia Chivers’ talk “From small talk to big breaks: Building our professional network” - fun fact, Melicia went from circus performer to product designer (talk about a journey). She shared her wealth of experience on networking, providing actionable tips like crafting personalised LinkedIn messages and nurturing connections through regular check-ins and invitations to relevant events. Her insights were both inspiring and empowering, leaving us feeling confident in our ability to build genuine relationships and expand our professional networks. As Brené Brown famously said, "The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time." And can I just say, she gave us TWO Brené Brown quotes!

Hafsa Hersi closed the event and left us on the ultimate high with her talk on “The power of audacity: How a mindset shift unlocks new opportunities”. Her talk on embracing audacity was packed with practical advice, such as reframing failure as a learning opportunity, celebrating our dreams without fear of judgment, and viewing "no" as a chance to pivot or refine our approach. You couldn’t have left that talk not feeling absolutely determined to step outside your comfort zone and pursue your goals with unwavering determination. Talk about feeling unstoppable!

Join the movement! We can't wait to welcome you to the next She Bytes Back event. Check out our latest events and stay tuned for upcoming announcements by subscribing to our newsletter!

Public Speaking, Inclusive Hackathons & Career Ownership: She Bytes Back x Planes Studio

You asked for it, and we delivered! After a very successful series of online events, on 9th May we launched our very first in-person meet-up at Planes Studio in East London. With the theme being all about taking up space and embracing bold action, it was an absolute pleasure connecting with the 50+ strong community who came along on the day.

Just have a flick through some of the pictures we captured from the event:

The kickoff

The stat is alarming: 50% of women in tech leave the field by 35. This isn't just a number - it's a sign of a broken system. The tech industry often gets glamorised, but the reality for many women is a struggle with imposter syndrome, lack of inclusion, and feeling unheard.

That's where She Bytes Back steps in. Founded by Amber Shand, it's a space built by and for Gen Z and millennial women in tech. We foster genuine connections and ensure everyone feels included. Our events go beyond just learning - we aim to ignite confidence, spark inspiration, and empower members to build lasting connections.

How to land paid speaking opportunities by Pascalle Bergmans

Our community thrives on bold action, and what's bolder than getting paid to own the stage? We were thrilled to welcome iconic public speaking coach Pascalle for her talk, "Speak Up, Cash Out."

Pascalle didn't just talk the talk, she walked us through the tools needed to land paid speaking gigs. From crafting powerful storytelling frameworks to building a magnetic personal brand, mastering strategic outreach (and more!). Pascalle's session left us feeling unstoppable! We walked away equipped with the knowledge and, most importantly, the confidence to craft epic keynotes and get paid for our expertise thanks to the power of her SPARC method.

How to run a hackathon by Kate Westbrook

Our community thrives on making a difference, and what's more impactful than creating a hackathon that welcomes everyone?

Kate didn't just share ideas, she unveiled the Planes Hackathon Framework – a powerful toolkit to design and run inclusive hackathons that fosters participation and innovation. From pinpointing your ideal audience to fostering accessibility, crafting compelling challenges, and ensuring seamless logistics, Kate's framework empowers you to create events that truly includes everyone!

Leaving the session, we felt equipped and inspired to organise hackathons with the Planes Hackathon Framework as our guide.

Practical tips for taking more ownership at work by Kunmi Williams

Stepping onto the stage for the first time, Kunmi didn't hold back – she ignited a fire in our bellies, equipping us with the tools to thrive in supportive workplaces.

Forget empty motivational speeches – Kunmi offered a treasure trove of actionable strategies. Her secret weapon? Parul's free tech brag document template. Kunmi championed the power of community, reminding us that collaboration and support within a positive work environment are vital for success.

Leaving the session, the energy was electric. With Kunmi's guidance, we were ready to take ownership of our careers, celebrate wins, and propel ourselves forward with confidence!

The results? Overwhelmingly positive:

• 96% of attendees rating their experience 5/5

• 100% of attendees said they would come back for a future event

• 100% of attendees said they would recommend the She Bytes Back event to a friend or colleague

Here's what some of our amazing members had to say:

“This event was a huge win for my confidence journey, thank you Amber for creating She Bytes Back. It's such a supportive community filled with so many inspiring women who want to see each other win. As someone who isn't the most confident, it felt like a safe space to step outside my comfort zone and not fear judgement. I absolutely loved all the talks and Pascalle's SPARC framework was super insightful! I never thought I'd consider public speaking, but her tips are making me rethink that. I left feeling super inspired and buzzing from the positive energy in the room. Thank you, She Bytes Back, for this incredible event!” - Simone Sharpe

“This was my first She Bytes Back event and it was truly one of the most useful accessible tech events I have ever attended! There was truly NO gatekeeping at all and was such a welcoming environment. Amber has a talent of bringing together such wonderful people who genuinely want to uplift one another as well as prioritise ambition and BOLD action. Truly enjoyed this event and can’t wait for the next ones!!” - Hafsa Hersi

“First time attending, I love the vibes and I learned so much not only from the speakers but the people who showed up! Highly recommend this to anyone who’s here to network in a safe space. Amber and I met in person for the first time today and she was a gem of a person! I’m so happy to see this community and be a part of it.” - Rhea Sam

“This event was great! It felt like such a welcoming and safe space for women to share their experiences with working in tech. It was inspiring to hear from successful women who are being confident enough to speak about their experiences and struggles, and how they’ve overcome them.” - Laura Keen

Feeling inspired? Invest in the future of tech!

She Bytes Back is looking for progressive companies to host future events in London. By providing a platform for women in tech to connect, learn, and grow, you'll be actively fostering a more diverse and inclusive tech landscape.

Partner with She Bytes Back and host an unforgettable event at your company office. Reach out to Amber at amber@ambershand.co.uk to learn more!

Join the movement! We can't wait to welcome you to the next She Bytes Back event. Check out our latest events and stay tuned for upcoming announcements by subscribing to our newsletter!